


A needle and a magnet

by ca_te



Category: Loveless
Genre: Angst, M/M, Shounen ai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-05
Updated: 2010-09-05
Packaged: 2017-10-11 12:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ca_te/pseuds/ca_te
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written on 9th June 2009. 1st person, from Ritsuka's POV.</p>
    </blockquote>





	A needle and a magnet

**Author's Note:**

> Written on 9th June 2009. 1st person, from Ritsuka's POV.

It is when we fight. When I see his tall body in front of my silly, little one. It is in those moments that I feel something shaking me.

Now…I know how feels like to be shook, to be hit, and I know how it feels to have someone who puts bandages on your wounds, who kisses lightly your hair.

I knew it all, till I had never felt something like this before.

I watch his hands moving, I hear his lips chanting, as he plays with words over and over. And I feel something throbbing and trembling along my edges. It makes me think of a needle and a magnet. That's exactly how things are in those moments between me and Soubi. I wonder if it was the same between Soubi and Semei.

I know I should try to keep the distance, because there are too many things between us, that screen our touches and our feelings. There are Semei's fingers, there is no propotion between him and me. Still, still I ache to feel the phone vibrating on the mattress at my side at night, still I let that jolt run through me as Soubi fights, and I let it guide me.

That's how it happened. How I kissed Soubi for the first time. His face was pale, drops of blood over the bandage around his neck, and there was this thing inside of me, pulling. His chest was broad and he was warm. He was calm among the chaos of the spells.

Sometimes I feel like I know what that jolt is, sometimes I know Soubi is the one who's making me grow.

I think about this now, lying on my bed. The room is dark. It makes me think of a blackboard, and I know it's childish but I desire to have the right chalks to write on it.

I bit my lower lip. I don't like how my mind keeps working and working, forming words and forming fears. Soubi says I think to much. I know he is right, still…I am not able to stop it if I am alone.

I shift to face the window. Outside the wind is blowing, I can see the tree branches bend in it. I almost feel the cold on my skin. My ears twitch. Lately I want to grow up. I may disappear but I want to grow up any way. I want to try out how it feels like. How it feels like to be looked at by Soubi in a different way. I want to punch the pillow. I remain still. I slide under the sheets, it's cold in there. I think about my mom tidying Ritsuka's bed. I've always tided up mine on my own.

I hear the window sliding, I close my eyes. And as I do it I feel like a stupid child, playing with the fire.

Soubi's steps are light, I almost can see his long legs behind my closed eyelids. He makes me thing of glass and insects…of fragile things.

He knows I'm sleeping. He has studied me, he has learnt how my breath is, how my scent is and it makes me sad, because I haven't learnt anything about him yet. I squeeze my eyes as I feel his fingers tangling in my hair. He has long fingers, they sure are the fingers of an artist. I know mine are just the fingers of a child. Semei used to have such wonderful and loving hands.

I open my eyes wide, I don't want to think about Semei now. I turn and face his smile. It's gentle, but it's also distant. I wonder if he will be able to really care for me some day and not just because Semei ordered him to.

He kneels down and lets his fingers slide to my cheek, he doesn't say anything.

Like a needle and a magnet.

I try to open my mouth.

Like a needle and a magnet.

He brings our lips together.

I feel my body become liquid, if I couldn't feel his lips on mine, his tongue licking them slowly, without any trace of pressure, I would have said that I am about to disappear for real.

Again my stupid mind. Please just stop!

I grab his shirt and I almost can imagine his eyes open at the gesture but I keep mine closed, pressing more against him.

Like a needle and a magnet.

He gently breaks the kiss and smiles, I want to trick myself and see some love in those eyes.

\- Hope you can sleep now, Ritsuka.

I like it when he pronounces my name with his deep voice, I don't like it when he leaves and I have all the night in front of me. But I know I have my hands tied.

\- Yes. Go to sleep now.

\- As you wish.

I look at his back.

\- Soubi.

\- Mhh?

\- Have nice dreams.

He nods and closes the window behind him.

 

Guess I'm worst than a needle, because Soubi calls for me and I answer also when he is away.


End file.
